sic 'em, saint!

2005

2006-02-18T03:23:00.000-08:00

is perhaps the best year of my life. in terms of career, family, philosophy and relationship. now all i need is the best year of my life in terms of finances and i would've gone full circle.

my friends, i have charged thorugh the year full throttle and i have bumped into the most bizarre of circumstances... i'm beyond quota of my share of emotional turmoils and triumphs in this side of the world.

i asked god to make my life a little more exciting because i was dead bored at the end of 2004. and he poured the entire bucket of snakes on me.

and you know what else? i expect the next two years to be ten times busier than the last. i brace myself for juvenile cardiac arrest.

i may be silly, but i sure am glad to be alive right now :)

yellow cab pizza scam

2006-02-18T03:16:00.000-08:00

there's a whole new world of corporate diseases around here, but i couldn't care less as long as i am able to excercise my right to build that proverbial wall of detachment from annoying business partners.

here's the thing... those with meagre production are also the loudest. as if they are compensating for their poor performance by being notorious. understandable if you think beyond the usual horizon like me... they are not recognized in production reports so they make up for their lack of presence by making themselves famously obnoxious.

i wish we didn't order four boxes of yellow cab pizza for those amoeba.

when bosses are difficult and corporate politics abound, red tape thrives and signatories are always nowhere to be found...

2005-04-28T03:34:00.000-07:00

would you ever sacrifice your career for a love? or vice versa?

AND WHY?

via cruzis and much more

2005-03-25T23:16:00.000-08:00

there is no week more puzzling than holy week. people of polar opposites make for their own pains and pleasures in colliding worlds. the joyful holies of last year's advent make up for their excesses, the overstimulation of gustatory senses last christmas by starving themselves for lent. the family-disoriented teenagers who embarrassed their parents (and vice-versa) over noche buena let loose their heathen beasts and indulge in dionysiac frenzies in overcrowded beaches.

as for me, i fitted myself in dimly-lit cafe corners and smoky sports restaurants, laptop in tote and notebook on hand to create excel-based files of training monitoring sheets and license tracking records. i have booked five lunch/dinner meetings with candidate leaders for next week and i did the honors of conducting the preliminary interviews and backgroud checks.

i visited my brother's girlfriend in the hospital. i brought fruits. i was happy to inform my brother (who happens to be out of town on vacation) that she recognized me after some arduous attempt to figure out my name. she has massive internal head injury and wasn't her usual self until a couple of days ago. i have finally met someone with extensive amnesia after years of ridiculing telenovelas whose heroines inevitably lose their memories after a little bump in the head. her memories are coming back piece by piece after weeks in intensive care, but my brother to her right now is still just some regular hospital visitor and not her boyfriend. anyway, i went over the mile-long printer feed SOA of medical bills which amounted to well over a hundred thousand already (but the treatments are still far from over), and oriented her folks on how to facilitate a hospital and accident claim on her insurance which she fortunately purchased just last december. she's covered by the company i worked for not more than three weeks ago; at least at that rate, i could extend assistance on administering policyowner service. tomorrow i will bring her flowers.

i have purchased vitamins and medicines for our three adopted stray cats who all seem to be stricken with a virus that makes their eyes water and their mouths froth. and i kept bills for the dogs. i have scheduled two of the cats for neutering. our home service vet has procured diagnostic results of their blood samples.

i adopted another cat, some sort of mangy half-breed siamese (replete with the tabby points and blue eyes), i bet some bastard of a full-breed propagating his species among strays, but it ran away. i think he walked back to crossroads where i lifted him off the ground. our vet said cats walk "back home" within a 5-km radius. crossroads is less than 5 km away from our house.

i watched 6 dvd movies plus britney's las vegas concert in the last two late nights and early mornings.

today, i have been to an accessories manufacturer with designs in mind for a pair of chandelier earrings i plan to don for a wedding in about three weeks. as soon as i log out, i'm heading to the dress shop to have a dress made for the same wedding, something i designed this morning.

i have to do something about all this spare time.

cebu city charter day in leyte

2005-02-26T19:14:00.000-08:00

last thurs, i trade ironies and sarcasms with a monster of a trainee in tacloban.

by noon, with an empty stomach, i dump my belongings into my luggage with a hope to make it to ormoc by the nextsupercat trip to cebu.

at the public utility van terminal, i am met by an anxious dispatcher rattling off in waray that the waiting van leaves as soon as one final passenger gets on board. we all know what that means. least wanted seat.

i squeeze into the small crevice between two middle-aged hombres at the back seat, by butt hanging over the edge. i yell over the music to the driver, asking him to turn up the air conditioning. he replies that it was on maximum cool already.

this is a three-hour trip that would seem like three days.

the man to my right reads the national paper with single-minded determination as he spreads it, turns and rustles the pages, folds and unfolds them, apparently oblivious to the discomfort he is weilding when pages brush against my face or his elbow pokes into my ribs. soon enough, he gives up the effort and dozes off while his duffel bag slips onto my lap every time the van takes a sharp right.

the man to my left dozed off the moment we roll down the thoroughfare. he sleeps with his head thrown back and his mouth open. he snores and he seems to be stricken with halitosis. every time the van takes a left, his weight is pushed into my side and i slide off my little space inch by inch. i am about ready for the lord.

and the lord cancelled all supercat trips for the day.

i drag my luggage to the nearest hotel. in a stupor, i mumbled a request to the concierge to have the bellhop bring my stuff to the room while i eat a 530pm lunch.

i walk to the internet cafe and the attendant tells me that the service provider is down. whatever that means, it sounds sinister.

so i walk back to the hotel in an even blurrier stupor and some scrawny high schoolboy on a motorbike lets out a sudden yell as the two gro-looking high schoolgirls riding behind him shriek in terror. they miss me by an inch on the curb. and as i turn to assess the street, lo and behold, there were miles of space on the bend for him to sensibly make an amateur turn. i yell profanities in their wake. startled passers-by stare at me as i walk the last few meters in a huff.

at least the bath tub is newly-installed.

the seaweed is greener...

2005-02-21T01:21:00.000-08:00

i was to be reassigned to home office by march 1 in an arduous attempt to promote me (can you say, expose my obnoxious self to higher ups?).

less than i week ago, i received an offer sheet from a competitor for their cebu regional office.

dare i refuse?

apparently not, as i am printing a resignation letter right here in our tacloban automated center and satellite office. tomorrow i will be mailing this through company pouch. my last blow at exploiting company resources...

if this is against corporate ethics, and i bet prudes out there are ready to wag their bony fingers at me, may i just say that this happens all the time across the industry, so who am i to diverge from the road most travelled???

my last chance to appreciate my mess

good riddance

i am so happy :)))

and so it goes

2005-02-18T01:32:00.000-08:00

gee, thanks, antonio vidal.

for posting my unwarranted remarks on that so-called love :p i don't feel so strongly about it, i just have a lot to say about it. wait til you read my mail...

and by the way, i always look slimmer in pictures, even in videos, as fedback by too many of my friends and trainees already. kaya siguro maraming gustong makipag friends saken sa friendster... they are deceived. HR even made this snide remark na the photo i sent for my permanent id seems as if it was taken a few pounds ago. to which i quickly retorted that it was taken two days ago...

you know the claim that the camera adds ten pounds??? the only way it'll be true for me is if i EAT the camera.

sa marunong lang yan mag project... ;)

it's valentine's day. OT in the office and i am bored to tears

2005-02-14T03:17:00.000-08:00

this is maje in marriott.

this is me and mia and maje. we're in rizal's house in dapitan.

orange on the steps. do not be deceived.

whatshername and minnie, district convention.

with loryfel in the same district convention.

orange asleep on the upcat ad.

the fishtank in metrocenter.

judge don and bianca being pulled aside by britta.

helga, matt, maia, me and eva in vudu lounge.

my usual haunt at the supercat terminal.

orange hiding under the bush.

i have to get back to work.

i venture into strange towns just to find this rare internet cafe

2005-02-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

exploit company resources within reasonable bounds whenever possible. i took this siquijor trip because of the moon over the water, the breeze from the ocean, the dinner of fresh seafood, and the guitar last tuesday. i got up on wednesday on a linen hammock, the sun on my face, the beach to one side, gardens on the other, and a cottage room on the hill. and i also conducted an evening seminar on the side.

last night, i moved to a school campus, invited myself into their college guest house, a 70's-looking structure appendaged with a balcony overlooking the shore. wind whipped my hair in all different directions and lighting a cigarette was formidable work. i got up early today to get impromptu tennis sessions on the clay court right next to the room. tonight, i conduct an evening seminar on the side.

tomorrow, i get up even earlier to whack more tennis balls. i'd borrow the security guard's bike and ride around town until sundown. then there's the evening seminar on the side.

millennium slambook

2005-01-30T03:01:00.000-08:00

full name
tessa marie babiera santos

etymology of name
tessa: (hebrew?) reaper
marie: (hebrew?) bitter
babiera: whatever it is, it certainly is not italian; just sounds so
santos: holy

fetish
hair, nails, teeth and body hair

depression diversions
studying math and symbolic logic

flashes of pathos
masteral courses in philosophy
philosophy majors
first sunrise of the millennium
waterfront casino filipino

latest frustration
i wish i knew how to do back flips

latest indulgence
annoying stephen paul

fight songs
when smokey sings
starlight - supermen lovers
little drummer boy - jars of clay

fight films
il postino
a league of their own
ocean's eleven
there's something about mary

fighting words
"could be..."
"if they want a girl next door, i suggest they go next door" (thank you, joan crawford)

profane words
"gi-ahak lang"
"inatay"

debilitating weakness
guilt tripping

wedding march (should the need arise)
run on - moby

phobia
ghosts, dogs and caterpillars

most bizarre dream
i murdered my friends in true gothic style...

serious sex fantasy
on the rooftop under a drizzle

foreplay duration
two minutes to two hours

redefining anonymous crowd

2005-01-15T01:08:00.000-08:00

i have never been one for writing much. unlike most people who claim that adversity or ecstasy brings out the most profound in their literary meanderings, i am quite the opposite. i don't write under extreme conditions. i have always held human emotion with the sanctity of saints, and i would feel guilty of sacrilege if i try to commit the intensity of feeling to words. words will never be commensurate to actual experience.

here ends my excuse for not writing much.

i now have the luxury of sitting down and composing an entry because the santo niño procession is nowhere near its end. the office is dead center of the main thoroughfare, so unlucky me could only shoot pathetic glances at the throbbing throng of people funneling into our boulevard. an hour ago, in one decisive action, i kicked my four-inch heels into a dilapidated paper bag, wore the rubber bathroom slippers and gathered enough bravado to thread my way through the phalanx and cross towards the moving traffic lane. i got there with candle wax drippings and my freshly pedicured toenails in ruin, but i had my head up like some triumphant explorer. until all taxi cabs refused to take me to ayala center. i couldn't blame them. avenues in that general direction were all blocked. this sinulog was beginning to eat me alive. so after 30 minutes of aimless walking and waiting in vain, i let go of all hopes to escape this fishbowl and traced my way back to the office. as i prepared to take a deep lunge across the main path, i saw the procession's catalyst looming in the concrete horizon. the glass-encased antiquated santo niño of magellan fame. my face must have transformed from irritated to alarmed when i saw the disparate crowd from the sidelines, without warning, collect around my area, their hands up in reverence, with candles leaking hot wax onto innocent (pedicured) feet. i refused to be caught helpless, so with all my might, i sprinted in counterflow, incessantly yelling "excuse me" over the drone of latin prayers and finally hopped onto the sidewalk that leads back to our gate.

now i'm here. and there's a young french guy in ayala center wondering where the hell i am.

feeling film academy of central & east visayas - a photoblog (aka, tinatamad magsulat)

2004-10-19T04:20:00.000-07:00

regional recognition program.

making silly the night before the event (at the office staffhouse with jinky)

jiddu and me making a fool of ourselves at the registration table

hosts jinky and randall with last minute final editing in the script

cristy enumerating the awardees for me

one of the awardees, acency leader vic tan, patiently waiting (while staff argue among themselves)

opening the event with lubad tagalog (maypa'g bisdak nalang ta da...)

apparently bored

ditto

mynmyn and organizer cholo grabbing a quick lunch as ms. cecil delivers her inspirational talk (pose muna)

the host trying to entertain himself at the bar while the speaker drones on

sucks eggs

2004-09-19T02:06:00.000-07:00

dear lord,

when i wake up tomorrow please please please let me enjoy either of these three things:

1. the female myth to make the culture accept us as players of the field and as persons who initiate the moves as men do
2. cigarettes without hypertension
3. asexuality, so i don't have to endure the havoc a few good men wreak on my nerves

that's all po.

amen

overworked and undersexed

2004-09-10T01:00:00.000-07:00

that pretty much sums up the entire week.

in the wake of keana reeves

2004-09-02T02:18:00.000-07:00

i'm baaaaack! i've been terribly busy. just got back from manila today.

ladies of the central and eastern visayas regional office. take your pick. i'm the pimp... we have special congressman rates.

perks of travel

2004-08-17T03:14:00.000-07:00

in tacloban wednesday last week, i checked into a hotel-cum-museum fraught with world war ii history. in the days of the american-japanese battle, that hotel was a mansion converted into a makeshift hospital for the injured and the dying. over dinner, my friends who have been based there were kind enough to rub in the fact that the place is somehow notoriously haunted by the brave american and filipino soldiers under douglas macarthur's wing on the era he uttered "i shall return." of course, i appreciated it very much that he didn't while i was there.

so that night, i didn't get much sleep. but the scary stories weren't the only reasons. i dreamt of murder which woke me up three times in the middle of the night. and it was really bizarre that everytime i went back to sleep, the dream continued itself like some daytime soap... this phenomenon plagued me 'til 6am when i finally decided to get up for good because going back to sleep wasn't doing me much help.

at lunch, i told one of my friends about that dream. and that was that.

we decided to meet up again later for dinner.

after work, he cancelled on dinner, saying something came up so he had to meet with one of his dealers. why not after dinner? by all means.

so i stayed in the hotel and waited.

a few hours later, i suddenly get this unsettling sensation that something was seriously wrong. i call up this friend to somehow "check up" on him. he picks up with a distraught tone. his dealer was shot right in front of him.

ok..........

not point blank, though. in the middle of conversation amidst coffee and laptop, a hitman on a motorcycle rode past the cafe to fire several shots which coursed right through the glass panel. my friend sustained shrapnel cuts and bruises, but the dealer wasn't so lucky. he had to be collected by an ambulance.

after that unfortunate incident, i didn't expect to meet up with this friend anymore, but i couldn't seem to shake off that eerie feeling.

at 12 midnight, he calls to ask the room number where i was lodged into. in a matter of minutes, he shows up at my doorstep with his luggage. his boss got wind of the incident and apparently didn't want this guy traced into his apartment. with no knowledge of the hitman's motive, they thought he may still be in the line of danger. and besides, he's a witness now, what other justification do you need to go into hiding? he was instructed to fly to manila first flight tomorrow morning.

then he goes into proving how a guy in semi-trauma can expertly intensify a person's sleeping problems without really trying. he kept me up all night by pacing the floor, looking out the window, smoking in the bathroom and tossing and turning in bed. the most thrilling part is jerking abruptly from bed whenever his cell phone makes so much as a beep.

to make the situation even more exciting, this guy is seriously hypertensive. and it didn't alleviate my fear when i put my hand against his chest and i could feel his heart palpitating like crazy. he was feverish too. every now and then, he would sit up in bed and breathe heavily to ease his nerves. the last thing i needed was someone collapsing in a heart attack right in my room.

by 8:30am the next day, he got on a plane for manila upon his boss's orders.

i went to work in a semi-stupor. not because of the harrowing experience, but because i didn't get a minute of decent sleep.

some night.

on another occasion months ago, a young man was shot from across the street in front of our office in dumaguete. the bullet went right through our building's metal panels which served as "blinds" for our windows.

the dealer in tacloban survived with the help of surgery. the young man in dumaguete, DOA.

i should get a hefty hazard pay for all these nerve-racking experiences.

hotel bathroom shot. wala lang.

some days

2004-08-08T00:58:00.000-07:00

it's my birthday. i got up at 4am, finished packing from where i left the luggage late last night and took a very cold shower. at 5, i called the taxi service to take me to the fastcraft terminal. i didn't bother waking up anyone, as i always don't bother doing whenever i take early trips.

there weren't much people taking that trip, so i got myself booked on a really hot seat: one close to the tv.

by 6 i was heading for leyte.

by 6:15 my mother was looking for me, called me on the cell phone to tell me that i somehow spoiled their birthday surprise. aw, c'mon, i mentioned that i'll be leaving around dawn, remember?! oh well, the gifts would have to wait until i get back next week.

as luck would have it, i DID have excellent view of the tv, but the craft's dvd player was on the fritz, so the movie didn't start until after precious crucial time had elapsed. i knew that would mean arrival to the destination well before the movie wraps up. syet.

as luck would have it, i LOVED the movie ("miracle" with kurt russell as coach herb brooks; the true story behind the US hockey team of lake placid winter olympics), but the untimely discontinuation had to come at the climax: when herb's team was about to skate into the ice to face the formidable undefeated soviet team, the same country whose president declared that their people will prove their supremacy against the US by beating them in the olympics (remember, this was at the height of cold war). so i disembark from the craft all sullen and grumpy at having to guess how it ends. yes yes yes, i know the heroes are going to win, but i wanted to see how they did it in true "miracle" fashion.

as luck would have it, i realized i only had a crisp 500-peso bill, so i couldn't hire the services of a porter, as i would have nothing to pay him with. i don't mind carrying the luggage, but i mind carrying training materials. they're some heavy stuff.

on my way out of the walkway, the lady before me collapsed in a semi-fainting spell. she and the baby in her arms on the pavement. gentlemen rushed to help her up. i would have, but my hands were plenty full. i wasn't so unlucky after all.

i wasn't able to make the necessary bookings, so i hotel-hopped. the first one only had vacancies among their executive suites. forget it, i haven't got enough gall to charge the company that much. besides, my cash advance hasn't been released yet, so i'm using my own money for reimbursement in a few days.

the next hotel i went into had a standard single-occupancy available, but it had no tv. are they serious? they said the other single rooms with tv are booked. are.they.serious?! i asked them to check again. and double check. there's bound to be a room WITH TV available. a few minutes later, there it was. the bridal suite. the price is within my range. i'm no bride, but i'll take it.

i slept 'til lunch.

i went out to a fancy restaurant to treat myself to a birthday lunch at 11:45. i ordered some fancy-sounding steak and tangigue kinilaw. i stayed out in the pool area so i could smoke. when the food arrived, a few flies mysteriously appeared from nowhere. i had to eat with one hand while the other incessantly waved the creatures away.

i didn't like my food.

i walked around town to look for a present i could buy for myself, since i've been well-behaved these past few days. i found the pair of shoes i've always been trying to get my hands on, the pair that's been out of stock in cebu for quite some time. charge it. i love it!

i bought toiletries and breakfast drinks. and lots of gatorade because i've been sick with dehydration. it's dehydration season in cebu. in the past week alone, an alarming number of patients have been rushed into the hospital for treatment. some of them didn't make it out of the hospital. you know what i mean....... casualties include one of our teachers in college (although i've never been in his class, i feel really sorry). i didn't have myself admitted. just missed a day of work to rest, didn't stress myself out in the office, ate nutritious food, took my vitamins religiously, drank tons of gatorade, and prayed like a fanatic that i will not drop like the others. i wasn't so unlucky after all.

but that's not part of the main story.

i spent the rest of the afternoon watching tv and admiring my new shoes.

tonight, i'm running a hot bath. a hot bubble bath. i'm no bride, but the bridal suite is good enough for a birthday girl.

some birthdays are just more meaningful than others :))))

guys....?

2004-07-30T00:31:00.000-07:00

guys, if you fall for a girl and find out later that she had a promiscuous past, will you still take her seriously?

guys, i mean if the girl you fall for really COMES CLEAN about that past, tells you that she's been around a while, will you still have the same feelings for her?

guys, would a girl still deserve your utmost respect even if she's been with quite a number of men in bed?

guys, will you still appreciate a girl for what she's really worth after she has sex a la carte with you?

guys, honestly?

active waiting

2004-07-20T02:59:00.000-07:00

my life is characterized by waiting. waiting in terminals for planes, fastcrafts, buses, vans, colorum... waiting in hotel rooms for thermos bottles... waiting in cafes for hot chocolate... waiting in seminar rooms for participants... waiting in the office cubicle for lunch hour... waiting in vain for the one... waiting in limbo for a destination...

with all this waiting, i had to develop various ways to pass the time, the most uncreative of which is making lists. (on a different note: in the last trip, in true "the art of letting go" style, i put together my own break-up songs album... well, on a table napkin, at least. i thought the album "the art of letting go" would make a broken heart even lonelier, what with all those sentimental drivel, so i came up with a collection that's more upbeat and eclectic)

on skip trips, my usual haunt is "the tinder box," a corner joint that sells spirits and cigars. this is where i get my travel dose of hot choco and menthol lights while i observe the cornucopia of travelers drifting into the lounge.

the best thing about the place is the fact that it's a smoking area... the only one in the entire supercat terminal. typical waiting time is an hour or more (i always arrive early so i get a good seat reservation), and that gives me ample time to peruse tabacalera boxes and examine wine bottles well enough to make me a visual connoisseur.

hotel rooms are generally not bad for waiting in, as long as cable tv is not buzz-y (like they are wont to be in some areas). some hotels have gamerooms or sauna or a pool, so i am spared from television radiation sometimes. at any rate, i couldn't stay put for more than an hour in a place doing nothing relevant, so i go exploring around town. then i go getting lost.

but that's besides the point.

i may take it for granted, but when i think hard about it, there ought to be great comfort in the idea that whatever it is i am waiting for, it inevitably comes around in due time. like planes have schedules. and coffee is expected once you have placed your order.

i wish we could say the same about men. :)

office space-out vol.1

2004-07-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

month-end has always been the most hectic of work weeks. especially november, since it's also year-end.

but in my position, such days may allow me the time to go around and bug other officers during the break. because no trainings allowed on the last week of every month. but then, it also kills me because of all the administrative work.

at any rate, i found the time to tear myself away from the computer to immortalize the other creatures in our habitat called regional office; i'm leaving this place very soon, so might as well do this while i'm still part of the team.

randall is marketing officer for one of the profit centers. he is one of the most diligent dogs in the staff. you can hardly tear him away from his desk, unless there is pizza or halo-halo in operations division (which happens nearly every end of the month). his pc is spanking new. on lunch breaks and saturdays, he plays games here.

lissa is one of our very hardworking underwriting staff. it is from her table where we freeload on the pizza and halo-halo i mentioned earlier. she and tess (the other underwriter) must have it up to their necks with my annoying questions, e.g., liss, unsa ma'y pasabot sa cancer non-invasive in situ ug nganong excluded man na siya sa benefits? (what's cancer non-invasive in situ and why is it excluded from the benefits?) lissa had a camera ready when a showbiz celebrity was about to have medex at the 3rd flr. it didn't push through.

mynmyn, central visayas 2 agency development officer. the others are mariliz (central visayas 1; on maternity leave) and jinky (eastern visayas). they are typically anti-social during month-end, especially if it's budget season. observe the mess. underneath all that, there are lost keys. underneath mariliz's mess, there's petty cash. underneath jinky's mess, there are flat tops chocolate.

sir bing, along with sir dodong and janice, have built an immune system against loud complaints. they bear the brunt (and the smile) when clients and agents demand answers and procedure. i am proud to say that they are tons better than the secretary in the previous entry.

we have to be nice to peter (and to his counterpart, karen). they are responsible for releasing our cash advances and reimbursement checks. peter helps me follow-up (or make kulit) overdue cash requests and returns. he is a service awardee this year (25 years!). only peter and karen know the combination of the vault in the backroom. not for long hehehehe:)

mr. epimaco baruc (affectionately mr. b or eppie bar to staff and agents), agency manager. he has a new ford everest:) do not be deceived by the mafia boss look... he is the nicest sasquatch on earth. speaking of mafia, he was a qualifier for italy this year. the day i took this picture, he just came back from that trip. agency managers are very fond of giving blow-outs during month-end. remember the halo-halo and pizza? they can augment those with pansit, binignit and juice dispenser.

avp for cev operations, leo. i don't know how he manages it, but he doesn't make a mess of his stuff, month-end or otherwise. he's the staple visitor in jinky's (east vis ado) cubicle, looking for food. the flat tops chocolate you can find underneath jinky's mess (see above) normally ends up with him. he sleeps in his cubicle on saturdays:)

that's my place. that's about half the mess i make on better days. if you notice, there's a picture of apolo anton ohno on the left corner of my "fence". i ripped that out of a magazine in a cafe. that's still the old pc. the new one arrived minutes after i took this photo.

we may be very busy, but we always find time to laugh. that's mynmyn and jinky running into each other on their way to the restroom after lunch.

and me... well, i'm just happy when the day is over.

manic machine

2004-07-10T00:47:00.000-07:00

this was my dinner saturday last week. it's not pathetic, just frugal. and for good reason. my atm card was captured by a machine gone haywire. that is, i punched in the correct pin, yet the automated junk refused to release my card anyway. since it was a saturday afternoon, no service was available from the bank's branch, kind or otherwise. i was suddenly seized by a flash of alarm, but i quickly regained my wits and started back to the hotel to ask for assistance from the courteous front desk staff who gladly obliged seeing that i was nearly in tenterhooks by then. that account happened to solely contain my entire cash advance for that particular trip plus my payroll, and considering that i had no cash on hand at that time, i was completely dependent upon that card in terms of finances. in other words, no decent meals and no checking out of the hotel until i produce sufficient cash. horror of horrors.

now the front desk wasn't able to break through the tortuous web of voice prompts in the bank's customer service hotline, so i took the matter into my own hands and stormed back into my room to, first, cry in a helpless rage and, second, to decipher the heiroglyphic instructions of the call center's computer generated bitch.

after several attempts, i was able to talk to an actual human being who acted as the middle man between me and the branch manager of the particular bank in question. it took several minutes, some heated remarks from an irate client and a few hundred pesos worth of long tistance call-time before they hit on the brilliant idea to have the branch manager personally call me in the hotel. genius. no wonder it took them a century to think of that.

now it wasn't the branch manager who patched through. i think it was the corporate secretary. and she wasn't much help either. to make the long story short, she even had the gall to tell me that she was "inconvenienced" by my concern because saturday happens to be the only day-off they have for the entire week. could she do me a favor and kill herself? in a tempestuous wrath, i told her "i'm the one who's suffering from YOUR systems failure here, and you're telling me that you're inconvenienced?! do you know that the worst person you could argue with is a disgruntled customer and that's ME right now?!" and then there was complete and utter silence.

aggravated and disturbed that such undisciplined citizens were free to roam corporate banking, i procured a piece note paper, a marker and sticky tape from front desk. with fire in my stride, i quickly retraced my steps back into the bank's atm booth, scribbled a threat note and posted it thus:

"don't use this atm because this one's possessed"

so there.

too afraid to be angry... or too angry to be afraid

2004-07-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

the biggest blunder i committed this week was to read neil gaiman's coraline. because, as it turns out, i had to be lodged in one of ormoc's most medieval hotels. the one that is reported (take note, not rumored) to have phantasmic ihabitants. with its wrought iron lampposts molded into elaborate floral designs, bulb sockets in the guise of candles (with realistic faux wax dripping from the sides), deep maroon heavy draperies that match the black-and-red carpet, off-colored wallpaper nearly peeling in places, unsolicited molds creeping from cracks, and garish iron deposits marring the bathroom tiles and bathtub, i couldn't wish for a better place to stimulate the gothic spirit. and that's just the room.

and the second biggest mistake this week was to allow one of the marketing officers to bunk in with me for a night. because, having family in ormoc, she knows the skin-crawling details that dangles over the structure. and she had to tell me the story. tinanong ko ba, ha?! i have to stay here until saturday, merisi!

the third biggest mistake is i let her off the hook the next day when she left for her trip back to regional office. and all she paid from her cash advance was the lousy additional charge for occupying the vacant bed. staff arrangement has always been 50/50 of the hotel bill. to think she appeared so suddenly just that night from a seminar in tacloban and told (not asked) me that she was staying for the night. since i was out in town with a friend when she broke to me the dreadful news, she quite simply invited herself into the room, claiming the key from the front desk herself. is it really that simple to ask for the key of an occupied room?! her name wasn't even registered!

i have to talk to front desk later. i mean, granting she was some complete stranger illegitimately dropping my name, would the concierge lend her the key without permission from me whose name is registered? now i don't mind sharing accommodations with any of the staff, but this one in particular gets on my nerves. had i known of her impending barging in, i would have instructed front desk to bill her half of the total sum.

yes, there have been countless occassions when i invited friends or obliged other staff to stay the night in my room at no extra cost, but that was because i would be glad to keep their company or i'd earnestly want to help a staff member in need.

had this cheeky marketing officer told me earlier of her plans, i wouldn't be so cranky about the incident.

but, in the first place, i've never been really fond of her.

tinakot na nga ako, hindi pa magbabayad ng sapat. kapal.

i predict that tonight i will have trouble sleeping. and i might hurl coraline from the balcony and into the harbor. and i will practice voodoo.

dangerous playgrounds

2004-07-01T06:19:00.000-07:00

charisse tags: play in other fields na k?

this, of course, in clear reference to my egregious involvement in unlikely places. they're not bad. they're just not right. for the most obvious reasons on the planet.

i was afraid ending my rather brief stint with mr. very eligible would plunge me right back into my usual tidal pattern.

the very taken's fling.

gi-ahak na lang, i have given up navigating myself into the right course just because it's "about time." i can't will the rain just because i have suffered thirst long enough.

i lost a lot, but i never lost the lesson.

and lesson number one is: genuine change is forged gradually, not overnight. otherwise, i would only succeed in getting into another phase that fizzles out in due time. evolution is a very long and tedious process...

then again, maybe the reason why i'm going around this vicious cycle is because i'm not leaving these perimeters out of my own volition. perhaps if i make a tough and conscious effort to leap off the train, i'd fall right into where i'm meant to be.

or maybe i'd fall nowhere. leaps of faith have never been my field of specialty, simply because i've never had real faith in anything at all. ryan sums it up best: "we wouldn't want to put our faith where it cannot be actualized into truth."

there is comfort in fallback. in contingencies. in Plan B. in safety nets.

so i'm still fenced in a force field. for now. i'm still living out the bohemian in me.

emotional investment

2004-06-29T04:07:00.000-07:00

the two things i will rescue first if our house goes up in flames:
1. the very first toy i consciously treasured. this bear is as old as i am.
this saw me through typhoid fever in car. santos, through a
major surgery in perpetual succour, and through cosmetic reconstructive
surgery in cebu doc.
2. dimitri from paris' sacrebleu album. if music calms the savage beast,
sacrebleu civilizes it and infects it with emotion.

rizal's house...

2004-06-26T02:42:00.000-07:00

...is our backdrop in dapitan where he was exiled. whatever you see of it.

with mia and maje.

summer high '03

2004-06-26T01:59:00.000-07:00

our group bagged the grand prize in last year's summer presentation with this "one in a million" comedy, a parody of a pageant for overworked staff who have a knack for laughing at themselves, especially if it makes them look like complete idiots. this was a collaborative effort among the disgruntled beauties of the intermediate department.

opening number. choreography thanks to mattit. chona, alma, me, angie, mattit, sol, deb, eunice

four finalists. me, angie (conveniently hidden), chona, mattit

2nd runner-up chona on centerstage (we worked soooo hard on the script). judges are mrs. b and mrs. c

finale. crown is made of prop stars i kind of stole from shsj. scepter is a ladle

the entire presentation lasted around 20 minutes from opening number, interview portion (which was just insane! deb as the emcee and sol as interpreter. huge riot!). we were dressed in filipiniana tops and baduy shorts.

just looking back makes me laugh.

btw, check out the beach. it's on a small island off the coast of mactan. maribago bluewaters.

20something ways to cope

2004-06-17T22:07:00.001-07:00

person on the left is gingging. accomplished lawyer, broadcaster, president of cebu lady lawyers association, bulwark in huni (one of cebu's premiere chorale groups) and district (national) officer in toastmasters. among other illustrious credentials. guys grovel at her feet. some girls say they are intimidated by her.

guess how old she was when that pic was taken (last year).

turning 41. and she doesn't look a minute over 30.

person on the right is me. resident eccentric of the company, designated freeloader of the family, big spender of useless items, perennial fling to the happily married. among other absurd credentials. girls step on my feet. some guys say they are intimidated by me.

which gets me thinking... look at me, young(ish) and supposedly at the time of my life when i feel invincible. i have a job that i enjoy, friends for moronic escapes and spanking new shoes from yesterday's sale. so what on earth am i doing still "flinging"?! what the hell was i thinking, throwing away that one opportunity to be happy on a more legitimate basis?! (see "a swig of authentic life" entry)

so a toast to the start of my quarter-life crisis! WHOOOOOO!

quarter-life crisis musing number 1: the mathematics of uneven numbers

5:1. that's the ratio of males against females during our mothers' era. ang gaganda siguro nila noon sa paningin ng mga boyses!!! this is unfair...

3:1. that's the ratio of females against males today. take away gays, priests (and other orders vowed to a life of chastity), crooks, criminals, women-beaters and common weirdos. how much does that leave us now?

is this the excuse for polygamy? (aw man, don't look at me, jill....)

yesterday i almost knocked over a huge flower centerpiece in the lobby...

2004-06-15T01:07:00.000-07:00

but that doesn't stop me from hovering all around the place like an apparition. i'm in bohol.

travelling alone all the time has leveled my head. it has proven that the bottom line is we have to fend for our own hide.

here are some of what i have to go through to get the job done.

ormoc. i was down with the flu, but it was too late to cancel. so all red in the face, i lug the manuals, the transparencies and the overhead projector into a tricycle (yes, tricycle. some cities don't enjoy the luxurious volume of taxicabs that manila and cebu take for granted). the tricycle jolts as it traverses a pothole and hurls the bag of manuals and transparencies into the busy road. i yell "HUNONG SA!!!" to the unknowing driver, pounce dangerously into the street, play patintero with a swarm of vehicles, retrieve my precious cargo, and sprint like mad back to the tricycle. all that with flu.

minutes later, i try to figure out how to set up the ohp i carried with me from the medieval ages. when i finally get it poised and ready, i hit the switch button. no light. i visualize pushing it off the pedestal.

dumaguete. valentine's night. i was hungry like hell. i walk the whole boulevard stretch. i must have seemed like joseph in bethlehem, moving from house to house, asking kindly for lodging. and getting refused over and over again. "sorry, ma'am. fully booked ang restaurant." i hate valentine's night as lovers out on the most hackneyed date of the year shoot pathetic glances at me. they think, "awww...kaluoy niya, wa siya'y date." i wish they all choke on their carbonara ("can't think of anything else to order, eh? i bet you just can't pronounce the names of the other dishes...").

miles later, i end up in the same restobar i usually haunt. no more spaces at the tables, so i to squeeze into the bar. i've never seen so many foreigners within a few square meters of me before (except moalboal, but that's a given...). i don't look up as i eat my fries and pasta. i ignore the waitresses rushing past me as i drink my beer. this place is busier than an anthill. a foreigner tries to strike a conversation. i pretend not to hear. i was hungry like hell.

same place. i'm not hungry, but i'm bored like hell. randall (a&h marketing officer) and i have finished our respective meetings before lunch. now we have four hours to burn before the boat ride back to cebu arrives. we check out of the hotel at twelve noon and take our lunch. now what? i buy me a pack of luckies and a bottle of bubble solution. we find a shady spot where we could sit along the boulevard by the sea. just to see if it works, i try to blow smoke into bubbles. you know what, it does work. and it's so wonderful watching those smoke bubbles float and pop in the air, releasing isolated puffs of lucky strike menthol. randall laughs at me because he thinks i look ridiculous.

later on, we're still bored. we drink two rounds of stong beer at shakey's. and it was still 2:30 pm. i propose a bet as to what sort of movie will be shown on the vessel. he says war movie. i say superhero. winner gets a bag of popcorn.

"just married." so we split the popcorn bill.

bogo, cebu. the satellite office is still under construction, so we had to book a place for a seminar. this one we got is a function room by day, discobar by night. naturally, our closest neighbors are videoke joints. i talk about risk factors and underwriting guidelines while an amateur belts "AAALLLL BYYEEE MYYYEEESSEH-EE-ELFFF..." so the proprietor (a rotund british guy who seems genuinely concerned), hands me a microphone so i could be heard above the poor wailing woman. just as i speak through the mic, some guy from the other side of the street sings "oh baby baby... my baby baby"... so i sing with him. really, i did.

there are more... but that'll wipe me out today.

man, i love my job!

a taste of things to come

2004-06-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

here's a tremendously promising artist. meet kat, she's a fine arts major in usc-tc. check out her site. it's among my links.

just a sample of what you can find there.

kat, akong commission ha! i want them tall, intelligent and makulit!!!

losing custody

2004-06-03T21:44:00.000-07:00

in the case of the people vs. tessa marie santos, we find the defendant.........

the crime: accountability for friend's loss of car's custody

crime scene 1: rockwell. sbc. 10ish p.m.

exhibit a: ash tray filled with cigarette butts. winston lights. lucky strike menthol.

prosecutor: "whose are these?"
tessa: "mine and his."
prosecutor: "did you disclose the fact that both of you smoked?"
tessa: "of course not. patay kami dyan. but she didn't ask anyway."

exhibit b: semi-luxury automatic vehicle (model and plate unidentified)

prosecutor: "does this car look familiar to you?"
tessa: "yes, sir."
prosecutor: "where have you encountered it?"
tessa: "nasakyan ko yan. rockwell to hotel"
prosecutor: "did you ask for the lift?"
tessa: "nope. i was offered the lift."
prosecutor: "which you accepted?"
tessa: "nakasakay nga! eh di, tinanggap ang offer! amaw..."
prosecutor: "what was your motive in accepting this offer for a ride?"
tessa: "ikaw nga, bayad ka 100+ para taxi o sakay ka for free? amaw gyud..."

crime scene 2: condominium 5 minutes walk to greenbelt

prosecutor: "have you been to this building?"
tessa: "passed by it, yes."
prosecutor: "what was your intention in passing by it?"
tessa: "la lang. he just wanted to show me the place, i guess."
prosecutor: "did you visit the particular unit he mentioned?"
tessa: "di ba sabi ko passed by? aling bahagi ng passed by ang hindi nyo maintindihan? unit ka dyan..."

prosecutor: "were you aware that she doesn't know about your meeting up in sbc?"
tessa: "yes, sir."
prosecutor: "were you aware that she wasn't supposed to know?"
tessa: "no, sir."
prosecutor: "really? how's that?"
tessa: "i had the idea that she didn't know yet, but if she asked it's perfectly ok to tell her that we met up."
prosecutor: "that late?"
tessa: "that was late?!"
prosecutor: "how much of the alibi do you know right after you were dropped at the hotel?"
tessa: "absolutely nothing."
prosecutor: "but you do know there was supposed to be an alibi?"
tessa: "i do now."
prosecutor: "how did you come to know about it now?"
tessa: "he told me the details of the alibi."
prosecutor: "was this before or after you disclosed some information to her?"
tessa: "after po. parang nabigla sya when i told him that i talked to her."
prosecutor: "why did you talk to her?"
tessa: "she called up. asked about my permanent transfer. she offered the unit at greenbelt area. in all innocence i mentioned that he and i passed by it one time."
prosecutor: "and what did she say?"
tessa: "she seemed surprised, but she tried to stifle the emotion. she asked, when did we meet up and where. so i told her plainly. last month, rockwell."
prosecutor: "where does the alibi enter the picture?"
tessa: "right after our conversation. apparently, she called him up. i don't know what transpired between the two of them. basta, minutes later, he called me up to give me the details of the alibi, just in case she calls me up again."
prosecutor: "are you aware of the consequences of your ignorance?"
tessa: "yes. he's can't drive that car anymore."
prosecutor: "what have you to say about that?"
tessa: "nahala, ambot lamang. inki gyud ko. but i didn't know the real extent of non-disclosure then! can you blame me?!"
prosecutor: "no further questions."

to the pyre?

2004-06-01T02:26:00.000-07:00

i am not one for burning articles in the interest of forgetfulness.

but it will take another few weeks before i pick up this book. i stopped reading mid-chapter.

can't bring myself to use lacoste pour femme...yet. no way am i giving it away, so whatever you're thinking of, forget it!!!!

i'll just put away the other stuff where thay could contentedly gather dust.

all five albums of beck will stay out in the open and will continue to create havoc. because beck doesn't deserve fire nor dust. beck transcends all understanding.

worth remembering

2004-06-01T02:24:00.000-07:00

there's something about forgetfulness which brings people back to reason. amnesia occurs to every other bubble-haired heroine in siesta-time telenovelas, so we dream at 3pm that our realities can be distorted beyond recognition. we wish memory weren’t as persistent as that dali portrait of melting clocks.

you might notice that amnesia in telenovelas happen at the most strategic of moments: when the heroine is sick with unbearable longing. pining for her lost love, she listlessly crosses to the middle of what seems like a deserted street when out of nowhere a punk driver/car with breaks busted/ten-wheeler container van swerves sharply from the curbside and knocks her down on the pavement, conveniently tossing her head onto the gutter. as she wakes up to fluorescent lights amidst crisp-linen-looking concerned nurses and medical interns pretending to be busy with checking for vital signs, she is stricken with trepidation that she remembers nothing. shit, not even her own name. then, she is reborn.

she discovers a new love, this time more mature and more wealthy than the root cause of her amnesia. she builds a business empire of some sort and/or becomes a budding superstar while the new paramour looks on beaming with fatherly pride. and then she becomes famous all over mexico/philippines/puerto rico/wherever.

there's a jim carrey-kate winslet film coming up about a medical procedure that could erase recollections a patient might wish to dispose of. in this movie, kate has all images of jim erased from her memory and jim later follows suit when remembrances of their blissful past proved to be too painful to tolerate.

we could only dream it were that easy.

people try to rework the past by restricting our memories. they commit to flames (quite literally) every object that jolts recollections of a history once held in a position of sensitive merit. they were content. but with dust in their eyes and a swelling in their throats, they linger a little longer as they scrutinize a gradually dying fire that took away every last piece of a putrid past. ashes never really amount to anything special.

personally, i’d rather stack them away where molds would fester them.

but the now-famous telenovela princess, bedecked with glittering gems, hair chopped to a mod bob/jennifer aniston layers, runs into the old flame and is heaved into a stupor of aching remembrance. the face is familiar, but she can’t quite recall where it belongs… and the season ends with a wedding.

the amnesiac ends up with the forgotten.

we could only dream broken hearts were restored in such a fashion. pain would have been but a myth. but we wouldn’t really want that. there would have been less poets and more mortals.

p.s. about an hour after i saved a draft of this entry, i met up with a friend who was at the crest of a frightful breakup (man, her story takes the cake). over tall glasses of milkshakes and chocolate sundae (can you say comfort food?), she recounted how in the middle of her anguish who should resurface in her world masquerading as a concerned friend but an ex-boyfriend of whom she had virtually no recollections at all. she told me how she had forcibly driven this person into a chasm by burning every last item that might summon memories of their relationship. she can remember the pain, but she can hardly remember him. she can remember how she succumbed to tears in the middle of conducting a seminar in africa but she can’t remember how happy she used to be with this guy. i asked how that should be possible, actually forgetting something that used to be so special. she said she doesn’t know how, but it happened anyway.

she said, “so given time, i'm sure i'd also forget r______.”

but that’s a different story for an entirely different entry.

kini siya ang sad-an:

2004-05-31T04:00:00.000-07:00

goodies on this page (tagboard and links) are all thanks to jill... engyu!!!

a swig of authentic life

2004-05-31T03:55:00.000-07:00

four days and counting since we terminated whatever little was left our relationship. there were no eyes brimming with tears nor breath held in anxiety to accompany the momentous minute we decided to quit. it wasn't poetic. i was sitting on a makeshift cushion on the raised portion by the ramp going to our company's bank affiliate. there was lucky strike in between my fingers and i counted three more joints before wish stick. it was a cross-breed between argument, lecture and curse. all in all a decent conversation. i might have sounded defensive, but i was generally within bounds of reason, i suppose. clients glanced, but didn't stare. agency leaders hurled the usual insipid jokes at staff who sit alone away from worktables. the security guard found nothing out of the ordinary. i was always there anyway.

this morning i didn't report for work. the sadness was beginning to seep into me. funny it took four days. i woke up with a start, surfacing from a dream that a president had been proclaimed at the grandstand. the image stuck 'til daylight, but issues of national interest could hardly shake me away from this budding drama. so i got up with a flourish to sms everyone at work that i'm not showing up today, to which they all replied a concise "k". i love my officemates. they probably think i'm sick, but i didn't forward an explanation and neither did they ask for one.

to give added impetus to my brewing wrath, i let both cats in and gazed emotionless while the orange one trimmed its claws on the furniture upholstery and the white one pilfered sardines from the breakfast table. if job the pug asserts himself today, i think i'd shove him with a little extra force than usual.

it rained at 8, so I was spared from the thankless task of watering plants. i took the bike out for a ride in the shower. it wasn’t that “insane thing you do after a breakup” kind of act. i do ride in the rain because that meant stray dogs are off the street and i’d have the subdivision all to myself. but today i seriously wondered if the denr truck would hit me at the curb. just wondered.

when i parked the bike back at the porch, i was glad to see that daisies have reared their buds from the foliage. it reminded me that i had to do my own laundry today. which i did.

how to select applicants for your replacement without seeming as if you don't know what you're doing

2004-05-31T03:52:00.000-07:00

1. text brigade everyone in your phonebook about the job opening. cordially answer all "WHAT?! YOU'RE QUITTING?" replies. either they haven't heard of such a thing as a promotion or they don't think you deserve one, so be patient.

2. save your boss's name and address appended with c/o (your name) in your cell phone. DO NOT DELETE UNTIL DEADLINE OF SUBMISSION OF APPLICATION. a torrent of unidentified numbers will enter your life to collect these vital info, so spare yourself from typing them over and over and over again. plus, cheerfully acknowledge those who actually make the effort of calling; they save you P1 worth of text.

3. LOOK BUSY. and always be in your corporate best (including makeup). you never know when these interested applicants would drop by to submit their resumes. they must see you in your element. they must be led to the impression that they are trying to replace an irreplaceable. (but you're not...)

4. do not be intimidated by highly qualified applicants. i mean, if they're so good and earning so much in their current job, why are they leaving it, aber?! they'll probably drivel on about finding meaning and wanting to try new things and all that crap. if they want to be relevant, suggest that they join the salvation army. there's no aesthetic in the corporate setting, only crabs.

5. if a girlfriend/boyfriend calls/submits in behalf of the applicant, and it is the girlfriend/boyfriend who does most of the inquiring and following-up, put his/her application form at the bottom of the pile. this kinda shit happens.

6. when you call for interview and lecture rehearsal schedule, be a good cop. you wouldn't want to scare away those with potential at this point. but don't be a weenie. if you could be a voice prompt as thorough as supercat's booking computer, you'd rather be that, trust me.

7. if applicant is a friend, as much as possible let someone else do the calling; lest you want to be answered with a "ha?! naa pa gyud diay lecture rehearsal? hala uy...." helloooo, this is a training officer position. dammit.

i don't think i'm getting the hang of this

2004-05-27T17:33:00.001-07:00

this is the 3rd time today i recreated this goddamn blog

2004-05-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

i am such an idiot. or maybe our computer is such an idiot. i followed all the steps to the letter and i still don't get the desired results. i guess i can't wish for anything beyond the simplicity of this template. sigh.